Life or Death

its Christmas time again and it sucks . Just to make things worse things aren’t happy at home . I made a mistake awhile back but I can’t seem to be forgiven . I don’t know how to fix things , to be honest I’m not in the mood . If I can’t be forgiven then whats the point of continuing our relationship? I suppose readers are wondering what mistake I made but I’m not going to go into it except to say I was wrong but I didn’t think it was this bad . She has taken all my pills away but there are other ways to die it’s just whether I really want to go down that track .

I’ve often thought of Jimmy at the end of the movie Quadrophenia and ride my scooter off the edge of a cliff except in the movie he jumps off just before the scooter goes over . That would be a good way to go , quick and easy . I think I even know a part of a cliff that is high enough with rocks and the ocean down below . It’s in my head , its in my head but I’m not sure if I am ready . I have a couple online friends who would probably wonder what happened to me because I doubt my wife would go online to tell anyone . I can’t really say if I kill myself go online and tell these two girls …… that wouldn’t go over too well .

I came on here to try to write some poetry but I’m too upset now . How funny would it be to kill myself on Christmas Day , I guess not very funny for everyone else.

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Flowers and Death

its amazing want a nice big bunch of flowers and a teddy bear can do , it really cheered my wife up .

 

on the negative side I tried to overdose on pills again on Sunday night . Got takento the hospital by ambulance and was there until about 10:30 last night when I finally recovered . Why on earth did I do it , I don’t know . I was just sick of living , I guess in my mind I felt like Ian Curtis except I can’t singer and there’s only one woman in my life . I really thought I was grouping to die this time this time . I suppose it’s only just a matter of time before it happens.

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Accepted it

what do you say when some says they accepted it

when you argue and it explodes

when you feel like you are totally to blame

When you feel so upset you feel sick in the stomach

when you are so sad you want to die again

when there is nothing left to say

when , I’m sorry isn’t enough

when you feel the other person is as much to blame

when you sleep in other rooms

When you know she can’t stand you any more

when dying will only hurt other people

when you don’t care because you will be dead anyway

when it’s just a matter of which pills to take

when you could drive your car into a wall

when life ceases to have any meaning

when you can’t cry anyway due to medication

when a good cry might show the other person that you care

when because you can’t it looks like you don’t care

when all you can think of is not being hare anymore

when sad music isn’t sad enough

when the dogs snuggling up next to you farts a smelly couple

when you can’t tell them go outside because they won’t come back to me

when you ordered some flowers but they won’t come for another two days

when you don’t know what life will be like in two days

when you can’t reach the knives sticking into my back

when you wonder if you have a soul

when you wonder is it all my fault once more

when it always seems to be my fault

when you have a medical condition that has affected your life

when that condition has also affected the lives of your loved ones

when you try to say sorry to make up

and she says it’s too late she’s accepted it

when everything has no meaning anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Record

the record goes round and round ,

dust never gets to settle,

our minds enjoy the beautiful sound,

steam streams from the kettle,

our lives are separate in two ,

the music makes us seem lazy,

we are two of the few,

or perhaps we are just crazy.

 

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making love

Touching your lovely sexy breasts

feeling your skin with each caress

my lips kiss yours in my dreams

feels so real each time it seems

tonight the noise as the deed is done

tonight in heaven as we come.

 

 

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me and you

Tonight, together I wish to be

with you forever that is the key

time slowly drifts along

kissing you would that be so wrong

hours and days in which we pass

Older boy and beautiful lass

i imagine you wrapped in my arms

thinking of us with sweaty palms .

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All Alone Together

You and me , perhaps we are weird

but talking to you is all I need

my mind is locked in a cage

desperately I act my age

alone, in some ways I am free

alone is what I should be

confusing words are stories that I dare

to tell the world like I care .

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